Life is crazy.
I know this.
and
I love this.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Good in God and its the day after Thanksgiving.
So like every expected typical thing i will say. I hope your Holiday was a good one.
I'll recap the last week-ish-or-so of my life.
Sunday, about a week ago I began house sitting for my Aunt and Uncle, Valerie and Jeff. Well actually they aren't married, but I hope they do get married cause Valerie is great, and Jeff is the man. But I'll still call her my aunt. But yes, the first night was good. I wrote and recorded a demo of a new song called "Chicago" its a full production, drums, bass, guitar, vocals. About my mind. I can't wait to share the song with you, because for some that don't understand me, I think this song is a perfect way for you to pick my mind and get it. I then fell asleep.
The next night my friend Kelsie came over, we hung out and talked, she was taking a break from her jog (in the freezing cold). Next thing I know she was asleep, so i continued to sit on the laptop and talk to all you lovely people, then I went to the other bedroom and fell asleep, she was gone in the morning when I woke up, and didn't even fold her blanket, I tell ya haha. But you know what, its crazy to know that myself and a girl I dated for almost two years, we can still sit in the same room alone, and carry a good conversation as friends and not doing anything or show a desire to. I think its the facts that we respect each other and each others lives, and are over the whole thing in the past. I would consider her one of my good friends.
The rest of the days house sitting for them ( i was doing so to take care of their animals while they were in texas ). My friend Matt stayed one night, and he didn't think I'd shave my beard, so I did. The next night was Thanksgiving (wed night) Dinner with my Dads side of the family, then afterwards me and my cousin went back to the house and recorded some music and such, I lost a bet that night so I had to shave my head, not bald but its SUPER short. haha.
The next night was Thanksgiving, I slept all day and went to my moms and hung out with my family. God is a crazy thing. I love my family.
Later that night my great buddy Justin came over, and he brought me a sparks which was a good suprise. He is the man, later that night we stayed up and went and got our friend Shannon, then went to Jacksonville, IL for black friday shopping.
I didn't get anything besides a TON of food at Burger King.
Now I am sitting here on a friday night at my amazing friend Jessica Coxs house, she is at work as well is my friend matt is. So i'm chillin here with their parents, they are amazing people.
In life remember this, don't spend time searching for the love and comfort you desire in a relationship, when you have all that right in front of your face in your friends and family.
God is happiness, and its never going to deny you.
I'll recap the last week-ish-or-so of my life.
Sunday, about a week ago I began house sitting for my Aunt and Uncle, Valerie and Jeff. Well actually they aren't married, but I hope they do get married cause Valerie is great, and Jeff is the man. But I'll still call her my aunt. But yes, the first night was good. I wrote and recorded a demo of a new song called "Chicago" its a full production, drums, bass, guitar, vocals. About my mind. I can't wait to share the song with you, because for some that don't understand me, I think this song is a perfect way for you to pick my mind and get it. I then fell asleep.
The next night my friend Kelsie came over, we hung out and talked, she was taking a break from her jog (in the freezing cold). Next thing I know she was asleep, so i continued to sit on the laptop and talk to all you lovely people, then I went to the other bedroom and fell asleep, she was gone in the morning when I woke up, and didn't even fold her blanket, I tell ya haha. But you know what, its crazy to know that myself and a girl I dated for almost two years, we can still sit in the same room alone, and carry a good conversation as friends and not doing anything or show a desire to. I think its the facts that we respect each other and each others lives, and are over the whole thing in the past. I would consider her one of my good friends.
The rest of the days house sitting for them ( i was doing so to take care of their animals while they were in texas ). My friend Matt stayed one night, and he didn't think I'd shave my beard, so I did. The next night was Thanksgiving (wed night) Dinner with my Dads side of the family, then afterwards me and my cousin went back to the house and recorded some music and such, I lost a bet that night so I had to shave my head, not bald but its SUPER short. haha.
The next night was Thanksgiving, I slept all day and went to my moms and hung out with my family. God is a crazy thing. I love my family.
Later that night my great buddy Justin came over, and he brought me a sparks which was a good suprise. He is the man, later that night we stayed up and went and got our friend Shannon, then went to Jacksonville, IL for black friday shopping.
I didn't get anything besides a TON of food at Burger King.
Now I am sitting here on a friday night at my amazing friend Jessica Coxs house, she is at work as well is my friend matt is. So i'm chillin here with their parents, they are amazing people.
In life remember this, don't spend time searching for the love and comfort you desire in a relationship, when you have all that right in front of your face in your friends and family.
God is happiness, and its never going to deny you.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
If I Said I Cared. I Lied.
So i have never felt so numb to life and the thoughts of everything in my life.
Well I have felt this way before, but never this much. Only a few times have i felt this way, One was right before/when I moved to Ottawa, IL. Then another was when I moved back. Then the most recent was back in April, and now its happening again.
I can't really explain the feeling, but its kinda like you live, but you're not living, but you are living but without care, but you care for the people around you and people in general. I don't know how to explain it, if you feel like checking out two songs I wrote about feeling this way check www.myspace.com/abistarline thats my bands myspace, listen to the song "THIS VACATION" and "INTRODUCTION" those are the only two besides "Antartica" off my new cd that are relation to this feeling.
I almost wake up every day, and don't feel motivated but i am motivated at the same time. Kinda like a dead fire and still alive. But then there are times I feel like I am just feeling so amazing. It changes but it all comes back to the only word i can use to describe this feeling, is numb.
"The lesson is life is not playing the role of the let down" is probably one of the greatest lines I have ever heard in my life.
more on how i feel later i guess.
I'm heading out to watch the new Saw 4 movie now.
Well I have felt this way before, but never this much. Only a few times have i felt this way, One was right before/when I moved to Ottawa, IL. Then another was when I moved back. Then the most recent was back in April, and now its happening again.
I can't really explain the feeling, but its kinda like you live, but you're not living, but you are living but without care, but you care for the people around you and people in general. I don't know how to explain it, if you feel like checking out two songs I wrote about feeling this way check www.myspace.com/abistarline thats my bands myspace, listen to the song "THIS VACATION" and "INTRODUCTION" those are the only two besides "Antartica" off my new cd that are relation to this feeling.
I almost wake up every day, and don't feel motivated but i am motivated at the same time. Kinda like a dead fire and still alive. But then there are times I feel like I am just feeling so amazing. It changes but it all comes back to the only word i can use to describe this feeling, is numb.
"The lesson is life is not playing the role of the let down" is probably one of the greatest lines I have ever heard in my life.
more on how i feel later i guess.
I'm heading out to watch the new Saw 4 movie now.
Monday, November 5, 2007
i write the letters on your face
Its monday November 5th, I'm sitting here waiting for Monday Night Football (Ravens Vs. Steelers) to come on. I'm going for the Ravens.
So i'll recap my weekend briefly.
Friday: My friend Joceyln had her 21st birthday party. It was quite the time, It was fun. Afterwards we went to Dennys in Litchfield, IL. Then were meaning to go to White Hall, but ended up in Auburn IL, which is WAY out of the way, like almost an hour. Then me and Jerry decided to go to Jacksonville , IL and crash at his dorm @ Illinois College.
Saturday: Feeling like i got hit by a truck, chilled most the day, went to Macomb, IL played a show at Western Illinois University, then ate at McDonalds and convinced the three girls working there that they were in love with my friend Jerry.
Sunday: FOOTBALL waited like 5 weeks for this game COLTS vs PATRIOTS. Who did I go for when my two favorite teams played eachother? The Patriots. Why? because Randy Moss, my favorite football player plays for them. Then Sunday night (last night) I watched BORAT and GOOD LUCK CHUCK for the first time. I almost died when i watched Borat. Good Luck Chuck, is amazing, and really just made me feel good, about what the possibilities are in life.
Aside from that, I feel that taking a step back from shows all over and keeping it really local til my tour, and til I move. I have been questioning myself whether or not i'll continue to play shows as much after my december tour. I feel numb in my mind to almost any and everything, besides my feelings for a certain situations.
It sucks to wait for something, it sucks to have so much to say and not having it in you to just say "hey, this is how i feel"
but you know what?
i love life.
and i'm still alive.
so no complaining here.
So i'll recap my weekend briefly.
Friday: My friend Joceyln had her 21st birthday party. It was quite the time, It was fun. Afterwards we went to Dennys in Litchfield, IL. Then were meaning to go to White Hall, but ended up in Auburn IL, which is WAY out of the way, like almost an hour. Then me and Jerry decided to go to Jacksonville , IL and crash at his dorm @ Illinois College.
Saturday: Feeling like i got hit by a truck, chilled most the day, went to Macomb, IL played a show at Western Illinois University, then ate at McDonalds and convinced the three girls working there that they were in love with my friend Jerry.
Sunday: FOOTBALL waited like 5 weeks for this game COLTS vs PATRIOTS. Who did I go for when my two favorite teams played eachother? The Patriots. Why? because Randy Moss, my favorite football player plays for them. Then Sunday night (last night) I watched BORAT and GOOD LUCK CHUCK for the first time. I almost died when i watched Borat. Good Luck Chuck, is amazing, and really just made me feel good, about what the possibilities are in life.
Aside from that, I feel that taking a step back from shows all over and keeping it really local til my tour, and til I move. I have been questioning myself whether or not i'll continue to play shows as much after my december tour. I feel numb in my mind to almost any and everything, besides my feelings for a certain situations.
It sucks to wait for something, it sucks to have so much to say and not having it in you to just say "hey, this is how i feel"
but you know what?
i love life.
and i'm still alive.
so no complaining here.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
November 1st
I'm listening to the Backstreet Boys new album Unbreakable, its amazing.
Today I didn't do a lot. Talked to peoples, worked on some bookings. It was Halloween, my friend Jessi's dad Robert Cox (the man) handed out some candy at their house, I was around while that happened, then I went and hung out with my little brother.
Tomorrow, i'm going to Wild Country in Collinsville IL, which is like a country music dance club thats on TV, i think, thats what I was told, I have heard of it. My friend Matt invited me, he's going with some lady and I guess some of her friends, I don't know who she is or they are, so it should be cool, I enjoy hanging out with Matt. Every friend has to be there through the break through :) haha
Sometimes this music thing is just weird, I guess would be the feeling. Its like a really good weird. Like when I go to peoples myspace pages and see my videos or songs on their pages, just is crazy, but I am so glad people understand and are with me now, its something i appreciate so much. Touring is something thats amazing.
Just with knowing all these people, I get to make so many friends, and I love it.
I just love life.
I'll let you know how tomorrow goes :)
Today I didn't do a lot. Talked to peoples, worked on some bookings. It was Halloween, my friend Jessi's dad Robert Cox (the man) handed out some candy at their house, I was around while that happened, then I went and hung out with my little brother.
Tomorrow, i'm going to Wild Country in Collinsville IL, which is like a country music dance club thats on TV, i think, thats what I was told, I have heard of it. My friend Matt invited me, he's going with some lady and I guess some of her friends, I don't know who she is or they are, so it should be cool, I enjoy hanging out with Matt. Every friend has to be there through the break through :) haha
Sometimes this music thing is just weird, I guess would be the feeling. Its like a really good weird. Like when I go to peoples myspace pages and see my videos or songs on their pages, just is crazy, but I am so glad people understand and are with me now, its something i appreciate so much. Touring is something thats amazing.
Just with knowing all these people, I get to make so many friends, and I love it.
I just love life.
I'll let you know how tomorrow goes :)
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I'm not who I was
To me one thing that I truly believe the whole religion thing is about is about Forgiveness and Acceptance. I feel thats whats stressed throughout what I have read in the bible. I used to have a problem with forgiveness, trust, and loving and being open, who doesn't though? I mean no one wants to be hurt, and after you've been hurt once, its easy to shelter your feelings and thoughts and be stubborn. I was that way. I'm just being honest with you, you may have been hurt once , twice, maybe three times, but its not over, you're going to get hurt a whole lot more, you're going to lose a lot.
Accepting the way things are, is one thing thats truly just brought my happiness in life down so much. But I changed that, how did I change it? Its not something you work at. For all of you that say "oh i'm working on changing myself and my way" or "I am figuring myself out" You are lying to yourself, stop being so selfish. Stop stalling, there is never a clear way for anything in life. You know what needs changed, you know how to act the right way, so do it, accept you made ignorant decisions, accept someone may have broken your trust intentionally, someone may have trusted you and you broke it, you may have done something you knew you shouldn't have, someone may have done something they knew they shouldn't have. Take it as it is. Stuff will suck. It will hurt. You have nothing to figure out, nothing to change but your own selfishness. But don't get me wrong, you do need to be selfish to get the best out of life for yourself. But there is a difference being *Selfish and Considerate. and being *Selfish and Inconsiderate. You have to love yourself and think good things of yourself if you want to gain the best in life, but you can take other peoples feelings and lives into consideration that are you friends and people in and around your life.
Forgiveness is something that people, or well I, myself in general have trouble doing. I hate the fact someone would be so selfish to take the step into having a great time for the moment and then apologize for something they chose to do. Never apologize for something you decide to do. Accept the facts you hurt someone, Don't apologize, if you care about that person and are hurt by the fact you hurt them, change things, prove to them you are worthy of still being in their life. Its hard to just have something happen to you and just drop it and give up. Never give up is something people always say, but then again, if you don't, you can't forgive, cause in order to give in and forgive , you have to give up your fight with what you feel is right. I've always heard is it better to Forgive or Forget?
I believe its better and easier to Forget. I let others live with the burden, regret and shame of what they did. I don't want it. But you forgive to mend their end. Forgiveness to me is a sign of weakness. Accepting it and moving on to better things is different than forgiving. Forgiving is like saying "its okay you did whatever you did, it wasn't that big of a deal it just upset me but not anymore" accepting and moving on to better things is, is like "okay, you messed up, you were selfish, and made a stupid decision , to only better your situation in the current time not for your future, but I care enough about you to stick with you and continue as a part of each others lives."
Thats just me I guess.
Accepting the way things are, is one thing thats truly just brought my happiness in life down so much. But I changed that, how did I change it? Its not something you work at. For all of you that say "oh i'm working on changing myself and my way" or "I am figuring myself out" You are lying to yourself, stop being so selfish. Stop stalling, there is never a clear way for anything in life. You know what needs changed, you know how to act the right way, so do it, accept you made ignorant decisions, accept someone may have broken your trust intentionally, someone may have trusted you and you broke it, you may have done something you knew you shouldn't have, someone may have done something they knew they shouldn't have. Take it as it is. Stuff will suck. It will hurt. You have nothing to figure out, nothing to change but your own selfishness. But don't get me wrong, you do need to be selfish to get the best out of life for yourself. But there is a difference being *Selfish and Considerate. and being *Selfish and Inconsiderate. You have to love yourself and think good things of yourself if you want to gain the best in life, but you can take other peoples feelings and lives into consideration that are you friends and people in and around your life.
Forgiveness is something that people, or well I, myself in general have trouble doing. I hate the fact someone would be so selfish to take the step into having a great time for the moment and then apologize for something they chose to do. Never apologize for something you decide to do. Accept the facts you hurt someone, Don't apologize, if you care about that person and are hurt by the fact you hurt them, change things, prove to them you are worthy of still being in their life. Its hard to just have something happen to you and just drop it and give up. Never give up is something people always say, but then again, if you don't, you can't forgive, cause in order to give in and forgive , you have to give up your fight with what you feel is right. I've always heard is it better to Forgive or Forget?
I believe its better and easier to Forget. I let others live with the burden, regret and shame of what they did. I don't want it. But you forgive to mend their end. Forgiveness to me is a sign of weakness. Accepting it and moving on to better things is different than forgiving. Forgiving is like saying "its okay you did whatever you did, it wasn't that big of a deal it just upset me but not anymore" accepting and moving on to better things is, is like "okay, you messed up, you were selfish, and made a stupid decision , to only better your situation in the current time not for your future, but I care enough about you to stick with you and continue as a part of each others lives."
Thats just me I guess.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Lesson in Life is not playing the Role of the Let Down.
So this is a new thing i'm doing, atleast daily hopefully.
Right now, the hills re-run is playing behind me on the tv, i'm thinking about my upcoming tour to Texas. And how sweet its going to be, just to see that state again, feel alive, drive a lot, play some shows and meet some amazing people. Thats one thing I love so much about what i do , is all the amazing people i get the chance to say i have met.
As for who will be touring with me, I am not for sure. I'm excited to be spending the Christmas holiday with my grandparents in Donna TX. A lot of people asked me why I won't be touring to New York like i said. But will I reschedule? Yes i will, that will be shortly after the texas tour in January. Also Florida, You're in Feb. I have a lot coming up that I'm excited for. Radio stations, New CDs, New Recordings, Management, Label news and Touring plans with a few good acts.
I just love touring, please if you see i'm coming to your town or near it and you want to kick it, please never hesitate to message me or hit me up on AIM, i'm usually down for anything, I'm a human too, I like to have fun haha.
I love to see my friends like Joshua Aaron, Jonnie Gentry, and Go Away Orange Pogo Stick opening up and just taking control of their creativeness and talents. I love all my friends and my family. Sometimes I get too caught up in my "music" life, and don't focus on my "normal/personal" life. But I guess its a good thing because 90% of the time single people think about other people they could date and how they could increase those opportunities. And the people that have a bf/gf spend their time with them.
So i guess i'm not missing out on much right? Unless I had a girlfriend, then i'd be missing out on being with her, which I would never put myself in the situation for me to miss out on things like that. But I don't have one, so all is good :)
The End
Right now, the hills re-run is playing behind me on the tv, i'm thinking about my upcoming tour to Texas. And how sweet its going to be, just to see that state again, feel alive, drive a lot, play some shows and meet some amazing people. Thats one thing I love so much about what i do , is all the amazing people i get the chance to say i have met.
As for who will be touring with me, I am not for sure. I'm excited to be spending the Christmas holiday with my grandparents in Donna TX. A lot of people asked me why I won't be touring to New York like i said. But will I reschedule? Yes i will, that will be shortly after the texas tour in January. Also Florida, You're in Feb. I have a lot coming up that I'm excited for. Radio stations, New CDs, New Recordings, Management, Label news and Touring plans with a few good acts.
I just love touring, please if you see i'm coming to your town or near it and you want to kick it, please never hesitate to message me or hit me up on AIM, i'm usually down for anything, I'm a human too, I like to have fun haha.
I love to see my friends like Joshua Aaron, Jonnie Gentry, and Go Away Orange Pogo Stick opening up and just taking control of their creativeness and talents. I love all my friends and my family. Sometimes I get too caught up in my "music" life, and don't focus on my "normal/personal" life. But I guess its a good thing because 90% of the time single people think about other people they could date and how they could increase those opportunities. And the people that have a bf/gf spend their time with them.
So i guess i'm not missing out on much right? Unless I had a girlfriend, then i'd be missing out on being with her, which I would never put myself in the situation for me to miss out on things like that. But I don't have one, so all is good :)
The End
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